Self-Description: *done in the third person* Courtney vasilates between being
gregarious & out-going and intreverted & non verbal. She is moody,
sensative, eccentric, out-spoken, loving (both warm and cold). She
particularly intelligent which is coinveinent, but unfortuanatly leads
to being a smart-ass. Courtney loves to challenge anything and
everything... in her mothers words, "there is nothing she wont
question and give the flipside view to (i.e... people, religion,
theorys, facts, society, authority, friends, family, any particular
set of rules and social standards...) She would prefer to take the
side of the under dog anyday, as she is sesative to vulnerbility."
Courtney laughs and cries with equal passion; in everything that she
finds happiness, she can find and equally powerful sadness. Whether
this is a stage, or who she is inside I find she has a "battle" with
internal and external frustration, some of these are known to me,
others are not. Daily, she wakes with a quest, to find a reason for
the day, not for life... just the day and the direction she will go
during. *done in first person* To know me is to know that change is
frequent and inevatable. My mother says I out of all five of her
children am the most understanding and perhaps, the least understood.
If there is one word for me it is fire; because it burns with a
brightness so great and can be admired for the beauty is posses, yet
can cause emense fear and chaos. Sometimes the only thing to fight
fire with is fire itself...
Interests: music, poetry, love, politics, animals, feminism, people,
isolation, institutions, rebellion and the riot grrrl movements.
More: My hair never really meant much to me, and when people would
make a big deal about its color, I wouldn't understand why; I later
came to find, it wasn't just my hair that didn't mean much... I didn't
mean much. There was no specific day that I can remember when I
decided that I wasn't of any value... I guess it was progressive. This
was a bad thing, as you can imagine. I cannot explain to you with out
extensive detail what I have put myself through and have you
understand, but in one word BULIMIA might sum alot, not all, but alot
of it up. Some people say it is because I am young and weak; others
say I was "unstable" or "disturbed"... but all those types of things
ever really mean is that change is "needed". It took me two years to
figure that. In the end the hair that never really meant much is what
made me want to get better. Being that I possed something beatiful,
made me somewhat beatiful, so I must somehow be important. After long
while and lots of strength not only from myself, but also others... I
came over my eating disorder. I derserve and I lived. And to this day
I am living and learning to love myself... my hair, my skin, my
sexuality, my family, most of all, everything. This is very important
for me to say, as it has molded a large part of what I have become.
Someone trying to just live, as opposed to a supposed no one trying to
die.
Another Pic
